New books at Top Writer's Block

Two new collections of short stories by a worldwide group of writers, known collectively as Top Writer's Block, have recently been published as e-books in aid of the charity Sea Shepherd.



Pumpkins come in all shapes and sizes. You'll be surprised just what shape they take in this collection. Sci-fi, mystery, fantasy, comedy and even modern romance have their say in 'Pumpkins!'

Writers from around the world have contributed to this sometimes scary, sometimes amusing collection.

Available as an e-book in a variety of formats at Pumpkins 






Also available this month is The Winter Collection


This is a collection of winter tales to warm the heart. Some stretch the imagination while others are down-to-earth feel good tales. It is an excellent way to discover new writers and then to go on to their longer works.

Available as an e-book in various formats at The Winter Collection


For more information about Barnaby Wilde's stories, including Quirky Verse, Detective Fiction, Humorous Tales and Short Stories, visit www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk

Barnaby thinks about Xmas

Barnaby figures that a lot of people will be receiving gifts of e-book readers or tablets this Xmas and what could be nicer than stocking them up with a few good reads to keep them entertained through those cold dark winter evenings. Barnaby has e-books to offer in every price range.

For those on very tight budgets, the following titles (amongst others) are available for FREE download.
Flowers for Mercedes       Barnaby's Shorts (vol one)      I Keep Thinking It's Tuesday


The following are just $2.99 (~£1.83)

Free Running                            Flandra                            A Question of Alignment

There are also titles at just 99c (~61p)

A Little Bit Elephant               Barnaby's Shorts (vol 6)                     Life ... (plus ten)

This is just a small selection of Barnaby's e-books, which include quirky verse, humorous fiction, short stories and detective fiction. For the full selection, visit www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk

And for the special person in your life, many of these titles are also available in paperback editions. details at www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk

Happy shopping!



 

Barnaby thinks about coffee.

Barnaby enjoys a good cup of coffee, as do the characters in his books, especially D.C.I. Flowers in the Mercedes Drew Mysteries. Flowers is particularly partial to Costa Rican coffee and tends to drink his black. Barnaby is less fussy about the origin, though he does prefer the stronger flavours, and he usually takes his with some milk. Neither of them spoil the coffee taste by adding sugar.
Once, it was only possible in the UK to have a single type of coffee. It was whatever instant coffee the establishment served. The only choice was whether to have it with or without milk. Now, there is a bewildering array of choices, confusingly identified by Italian names.
A few years back, Barnaby wrote the following verse to acknowledge the change.

Arty Farty, Caffy Larty

The chip van in our layby has gone all arty farty.

Instead of selling mugs of tea, he now sells caffy larty.
It used to be quite simple, instant coffee or strong tea.
Either way you got a mug.  The price was forty pee.
But now if you just want to buy black coffee and a sarnie,
He’s asking is that expresso, or is it merry karnie?

I said, “Make it quite expresso, ‘cos I haven’t got much time”,

And I put a fifty pee down on the counter in the grime.
I waited while he made it and lit myself a smoke,
But when he put it down I thought he’d made another joke.
Instead of the enamelled mugs he’d used ‘til yesterday,
He’s put a dolly’s teacup down, filled only up half way.

“That’s two pound twenty, mate”, he said.  He didn’t even blink.

That’s one pound ten a gulp, I thought.  Too bloody dear to drink.
I said, “Your prices have gone up a bit.  Are you having a laugh?”
He said, “It’s elf and safety, mate.  You just can’t get the staff.
Sugar’s on the end there”.  Well, some things stay the same,
Still the one bent teaspoon then, left swinging on a chain.

I said, “I can’t afford to drink it, mate.  How about some tea?”

He said, “Make your bloody mind up, John.  It’s all the same to me.
D’you want
White tea?  Green Tea?  Black or Iced?
Fruit tea? Herbal?  Blended?  Spiced?
Earl Grey?  Jasmine?  Lapsang souchong?
Camomile?  Roibos?  Or Oolong?
How about a nice Assam?
Or, bit more spicy, Mangalam?
Chinese?  Indian?  Ceylon?
Or, why not try a Rose Pouchong?

I think he knew he’d lost me as I backed towards my car.

I said, “Keep the fifty pee, mate, and I left it on the bar.
He called out, “D’you need water?”, as I opened up the door.
“I’ve got thirty two varieties, ... or is it thirty four?”
I pulled into the traffic and rejoined the endless snake.
I guess I wasn’t thirsty.  Still, ... it was good to have the break.

 (July 2010)

 

If you liked this poem, Barnaby would love to hear from you. You can find more about his quirky verse at www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk  available in both e-book and print.

Barnaby thinks about topless sunbathing and bare knees.

Today, Barnaby walked along a pebbled Devon beach in glorious autumn sunshine with his partner and her dog. Although the beach was uncrowded, a few others were also taking advantage of the weather and the exercise.
Now, Barnaby has a theory that people like beaches not only for the bracing air, but because they allow behaviour that would be deemed antisocial, improper or childish in other places.
For example, on the beach one is allowed to play with mud (or sand) whether adult or child. It is also acceptable to throw stones, (towards the sea of course and only when safe to do so), douse other people with cold water and to remove one's clothes down to whatever is the locally acceptable minimum. In some places, to nothing at all. Curiously, folk who would die of embarrassment to be seen strolling around in their underpants, or bra and knickers, are totally unphased by doing pretty much the same thing on the beach.
Barnaby was reminded of a time he was at Lake Geneva at Evian les Bains. At this point the Route Nationale hugs the shore of the lake. At various points, however, there are narrow strips of shingly beach, which are heavily utilised by sunbathers and swimmers. There is a low wall, no more than eighteen inches high separating the busy road from the small beach. On the beach, topless sunbathing is quite acceptable, though the practitioners are clearly visible to pedestrians and vehicle drivers alike. It would be entirely unacceptable, however, to step over the dividing wall from the beach onto the street unless fully clothed. Barnaby is somewhat at a loss to understand how an eighteen inch wall can make this difference, or is it the presence or absence of water that is the determining factor?
None of which, of course, has anything to do with publishing e-books, though Barnaby is disconcerted to find that his volumes of short stories are still not being listed on the Kobo website. Could it be the bare knees on the covers that are the problem? Luckily, all Barnaby's books, in e-book or paperback format, can be found on Amazon, Smashwords, Barnes and Noble and many other bookstores. More information about the books and where they can be bought at www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk

Barnaby thinks about value for money.

Barnaby likes to think of himself as a shrewd shopper who knows the difference between 'value for money' and 'buying the cheapest'. The difference, of course, is all tied up in the specification, or 'quality', if you prefer.


Barnaby's 2nd Big Book of Shorts
 is now available at Amazon

Sometimes, the specification is simply a matter of buying the cheapest available, but more often it is a question of finding the item which meets a particular set of requirements, be they functionality, size, colour, quality of construction, whatever. Having found the item that meets the specification, then Barnaby's view is that it is worth spending a little time finding out where to buy that item at the lowest price, provided that any saving is commensurate with any inconvenience incurred.
Of course, there is always a subjective element to this process. Part of the specification is defined by aesthetics and this will often override any purely functional requirement.
There is also a place, occasionally, for the entirely spontaneous or frivolous purchase, though Barnaby tends to resist these on the whole.
Pricing of e-books raises a whole bunch of questions about value for money. How does an e-book rank against a printed book in terms of perceived value? Should a book be priced by the number of words it contains or by the quality of the writing? Can a book be priced too low?
Barnaby has attempted to address the issue of 'value for money' in his own books by offering a range of purchase options. For example, Barnaby's Shorts, his series of short story collections are available in volumes of ten stories, collections of thirty or forty stories and in e-book or print editions in a variety of prices. For the ultra cautious reader, or shrewd shopper, some of his books are also available as FREE downloads. It goes without saying, that the quality is equally high in all versions.
You can find out more about the books, the author and the prices by visiting www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk

Barnaby thinks about his first million

There is a theory that no one becomes an expert at anything until they have invested ten thousand hours in it. Crudely speaking, that equates to writing something like a million words for an author.

Now Barnaby had never previously counted the number of words he'd written or the number of hours he'd spent doing it, so he wasn't sure how far along the road to becoming an expert he might be. Some might say, not far! Fortunately there are others who disagree.

To date, Barnaby now finds he has published eighteen e-books, totalling around six hundred thousand words, so he has a way to go to reach his first million. This includes his Quirky Verse, his Mercedes Drew detective stories, The Tom Fletcher stories and the anthologies of short stories. (There is another anthology of short stories about to be published, volume six).

Of course there is another school of thought entirely which says 'never mind the width, feel the quality'.

So, whether you subscribe to the theory that width is preferable to length, or prefer the opposite, or maybe even like a bit of both, Barnaby hopes that you will find something to satisfy you at www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk

And for those who would like to check out how big Barnaby really is down under, you might like to check out this copy of The Australian Times Poetry magazine

Is it the knees?

Barnaby has been disappointed this week to discover that all his e-book titles have disappeared from the Kobo online store, along with thousands of titles from other Indie authors. The reason for this appears to be a row with the UK book retailer W.H.Smith who complained of finding explicit 'erotic' titles displayed online alongside children's literature.

Now, Barnaby would be one of the first to agree that children should not be exposed to sexually explicit books and that this situation should be resolved quickly. However, the indiscriminate removal of all independently published e-book titles seems an unnecessarily crude method to resolve the problem.

Barnaby's books could not in any way be described as erotic, unless it is the pictures on the front covers of his collections of short stories that are disturbing people. He feels compelled, for the record, to state that any knees displayed on the book covers of his short story collections are wholly his own and that no sexual association should be inferred. The picture is merely a punning reference to the word 'short' in 'short stories'.

Fortunately, all five volumes of short stories are still available on other retailers websites and links to these can be found on the author's website at www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk

For those of a delicate disposition, Barnaby directs your attention to his other works, including collections of quirky verse and detective fiction (The Mercedes Drew Mysteries) where there is no sign of his knees, or any other part of his anatomy.