Barnaby has a bit of a rant

Barnaby finds that he is increasingly irritated by the misuse of English words. Perhaps it's a sign of his age. It seems that fewer and fewer people understand the difference between 'few' and 'less' for instance, although one is plural, fewer people for example, and the other is singular, e.g. less sugar, but they are universally confused. Or, take another example, 'due to' and 'because of'. They are not interchangeable. 'Due to' is an adjective, which means it can only modify pronouns and nouns and 'Because of” is an adverb, which means it can only modify verbs, adjectives and clauses. One trick you can use is to substitute 'due to' with 'caused by'. If the substitution doesn't work, then you probably shouldn’t use 'due to' there. Then there is the word 'decimate', now used almost indiscriminately to mean 'devastated' or 'almost totally destroyed' when it actually means 'one in ten' or 'ten per cent'. Thus a town which is described as 'decimated' is actually ninety per cent intact. (Sadly, Barnaby just discovered that even his own dictionary now gives the meaning of decimate as 'laid to waste'. Is this progress?)
Of course all language changes with time and perhaps Barnaby is simply behaving like an old fart trying to hang on to outmoded English usage. At one level it can be argued that it doesn't matter at all as long as the meaning is clear. On the other hand, Barnaby finds that it jars when he hears or reads an incorrect usage, which spoils the flow and enjoyment of whatever he is reading or listening to.
Does Barnaby make mistakes in his writing? Almost certainly, though he tries hard not to. If you spot something which is wrong, please let him know.
There are hundreds of other examples of confusion between words in the English language. Take the words 'sarcasm' and 'irony' for example. 'Sarcasm' is usually defined as 'a sharp, bitter, or cutting expression or remark; a bitter gibe or taunt', whereas 'irony', of course, is the 'use of a heated metal object to remove the creases from clothes'.
You can find more of Barnaby's writing, correct and otherwise, at www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk

If it smells like a book

AVAILABLE IN PRINT
AND EBOOK FORMAT

AVAILABLE IN PRINT
AND EBOOK FORMAT

If it looks like a book, feels like a book and smells like a book, then the chances are that it's a book. For some people, a book isn't a book unless you can hold it in your hands and see the ink on the page. There is as much delight for them in turning each sheet and seeing the bulk of pages move from right to left as they read through it as there is in absorbing the content itself.

Most of us enjoy picking up a brand new, unopened copy and turning those first few unread pages to get to the beginning of the story. Then there is the small pleasure of finding and inserting a book mark, be it bus ticket or work of art, to mark the furthest point read, or, for a naughty few, turning down the corner or writing notes in the margin.



AVAILABLE IN PRINT
AND EBOOK FORMAT

AVAILABLE IN PRINT
AND EBOOK FORMAT

There is undoubtedly a pleasure beyond simply reading the words on the page in owning a physical book.

With this in mind, Barnaby has begun to make his e-books available as print editions. (visit www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk for the current status of each book). Naturally the e-books will still be available so that you can take a whole library
with you when you travel, even when you fly 'hand baggage only'.

From today, though, you can not only read Barnaby's words, you can smell the paper that they're written on


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Barnaby thinks about money laundering

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The Bank of England announced this week that it was considering the introduction of plastic bank notes to replace the traditional paper variety. Apparently this makes money laundering less risky since the notes don't disintegrate when accidentally put into the washing machine. (They are also claimed to be resistant to red wine stains, though most drinkers will find that a wine glass is still likely to be more convenient).



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It is alleged that plastic notes will last two and a half times longer than paper money, but Barnaby has some doubts over the veracity of this claim since he finds his money lasts hardly any time at all.
Of course metal money can last for hundreds, or even thousands of years, when buried in the ground, as anyone with a metal detector can tell you. This does, however, require you to do your banking with a spade, which might be inconvenient for a large purchase.


FREE DOWNLOAD

For many years, personal cheques replaced the need to carry large bags of cash, but the banks seem intent on phasing this convenience out entirely.

Happily, shopping on the internet overcomes all of these problems, since you don't need real money at all, especially if you want to download one of Barnaby's FREE e-books. You can find Quirky Verse, Short Stories or Detective Fiction at www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk and you will find at least one example of each that won't cost you a plastic penny.

Out of the Ashes

 
Can any good come from ashes? This latest collection from Top Writers Block reveals that ashes may involve anything from fantasy, romance, horror, comedy to poetry.

Top Writer's Block is an informal group of Indie authors who come together from time to time to produce anthologies of short stories in aid of the Sea Shepherd charity. The latest volume, 'Out of the Ashes' is now available here.

Eleven authors. Eleven stories. Eleven interpretations of the theme 'Out of the Ashes' is available now to download in the e-book format of your choice.

All this in 'Out of the Ashes.'

You can find previous collaborations from Top Writer's Block here 

Visit www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk for details of all Barnaby's e-books, including the Mercedes Drew mysteries, The Tom Fletcher stories and his collections of short stories and poetry.

Barnaby introduces a friend

Barnaby would like to use this blog space to introduce a fellow writer, Suzy Dubot, an Anglo/American who has been living in France for over 30 years. Not only does Suzy write her own books, she also motivates and inspires a multinational group of like minded authors to produce regular compilations of short stories in aid of charity. This group, known collectively as Top Writer's Block, simply would not exist without her encouragement. Here, in her own words, is a small insight into Suzy's writing.

 

 **

 

A writer is only half responsible for what he writes. I promise you.

Once I have given my characters their names, they begin to take over. Their personalities emerge and have very little to do with what I had originally planned for them. The hardened hero often takes on a schoolboy vulnerability and my heroines have the colour of their hair changing several times before the end of the tale. Not one of your modern hair colour products either, because the majority of my people are ensconced in the Regency period with only the occasional time shift, if you're lucky.

Q. How did I begin you might ask?

A. It was a very bad Regency paperback that convinced me that I could do better.

Q. Why so late in life?

A. I admit that any urge I had to write earlier was stifled by the mystery of dialogue. How did an author create credible dialogue? Fool that I was, I never attempted it until that modern 'penny dreadful' pushed me to try. I know now. The answer is quite simple for me - I take dictation. My characters say what they like and often do as they like. I sometimes find them kissing or moving on to more serious acts, and there is little I can do without stepping away, without taking my fingers off the keyboard. I wonder if they knew we were reading about them, they might be a little more discreet but somehow I doubt that, in a moment of passion, they would give a damn!

Q. Have I lived a dull life, you might wonder?

A. My writings are not the fantasies of a drudge. I am an American who spent her younger years travelling back and forth between the US and Britain. The irony is that I have ended up living most of my life in France.

How that happened is another story.

I am a vegetarian and an active supporter of animal rights. It is difficult to know if I have influenced my three daughters or if it is they who have influenced me. My life still has many unexpected twists to it, for which I am grateful most of the time.

To sum up, I must just say that as an author I have had the amazing good fortune of crossing paths/ words/ lines/ stories with some pretty impressive writers. Contact with them has been an eye-opening experience that I would not have missed for anything because, not only have they encouraged me but they have shown me that writers the world around are just ordinary folk like me. They all have characters and plots in their heads waiting to get out. So now when I'm asked what I do for a living, I can answer without hesitation that I am a secretary who takes dictation! Just joking.

 I AM A WRITER!

**

 

You can find out more about Suzy Dubot's books  here including two of her most recent books Tangling with Tania and Garnets

 

I can heartily endorse Suzy's credentials. SHE IS A WRITER!

 

Barnaby thinks about topiary

Barnaby has been doing the annual trim on two ornamental junipers in his Devon garden. These were planted long before Barnaby lived here and were probably sold originally as 'dwarf' conifers. They are now about twenty feet tall. Now, had the previous owners sculpted these as they grew, by means of judicious snipping and pruning, they could by now be in the form of peacocks, perhaps, or a steam locomotive, maybe. Unfortunately they have grown tall and cylindrical, with a rounded top and look more like giant ... (well, Barnaby is too nice to say what they actually do look like, but he now has the two biggest ones in the neighbourhood).
To celebrate the completion of this year's annual chore, here's a verse that Barnaby wrote on the subject a few years back.

Paradise gardens 

Some people like unkempt gardens

With grasses, wildflowers and sedges.

But I prefer something more formal

With tightly clipped shrubs and trimmed hedges.

A heath’s an elysian field for them.

Paradise is a flowering tree.

But I just want neatness and order.

Yes, yew topiary’s heaven for me.

Oct 02

(You can find more of Barnaby's quirky verse by visiting www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk )

Barnaby's Shorts just got Bigger!

Barnaby's Bigger Book of Shorts is now available as an e-book from Smashwords  here.

Volumes one to four of Barnaby's Shorts, which are still available as single volumes, have been amalgamated to a single volume containing forty 'coffee break' sized stories.

Ideal for reading on the beach, in the bath, on the train to work, or, while taking your morning coffee.

A mix of genres, including mystery, romance, sci-fi and humour. Who are The Women Furies? Can you grow a man from a bean? Is it possible to rob a bank by accident?
Answers to these questions plus four tales from the Vertigo labs inside.
Can a man get trapped inside a Kindle? What would you do if you were stalked by the invisible man? and how did Amelia find her new man?

For a short period, this e-book is downloadable for 'FREE' in the e-reader format of your choice.

If you enjoy what you read, please leave a review here. This provides valuable feedback to Barnaby and also helps other readers find the book.

You can check out Barnaby's other e-books here