Antisocial Behaviour

Barnaby has been wondering if writing constitutes antisocial behaviour? Clearly, this isn't taken to the level of causing civil disturbance or general nuisance, but it is true that authors shun social company when they are in creative mode, however gregarious they might be at other times.
How many authors have a special writing place, be it a shed, an attic or simply a room with a door where they can shut themselves away from the intrusion of everyday life while they are writing? (And how many who don't, wish that they did?).
The aim of the fiction writer is to create a world for his reader that is sufficiently convincing for them to get fully immersed, even lost, in. Before the words can appear on the page, however, that world has to be created in the head of the writer. It can be difficult to maintain the consistent illusion of that fantasy if there are constant interruptions from people, telephones, family, doorbells, pets or any of the other myriad of potential attention seekers.
It is also likely to be the case that the author is carrying around the plot and the characters from his latest oeuvre inside his head and developing plot lines or constructing dialogues, even when he is not actually sat at the keyboard typing, thus appearing distracted, unfriendly, unwelcoming of human contact, or just downright anti social.
Or is it just me?
You can come into Barnaby's fantasy world by downloading any of his e-books, or purchasing a paperback. More information at www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk  He promises that your visit will be very welcome.

Can you judge a book by it's cover?

It's often been said that you can't judge a book by it's cover, yet the cover is the first thing that any prospective reader sees and on the basis of that initial impression the first decision is made, to sample or not to sample. Of course, even a sample of a book won't always tell you if the book is any good throughout, though it's usually a pretty good guide. It's a certainty, though, that a dull cover won't even tempt the casual observer to do more than simply move onto the next book on the shelf. So, with this thought in mind, Barnaby has decided that his knees have been on show long enough.

Today, he has uploaded new cover images for his short story series, 'Barnaby's Shorts'. The stories inside are untouched and as good as ever. So, dear reader, it's up to you. If you are tempted by any of the new covers, why not take a peep inside.


It's possible to sample every book by visiting www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk and clicking on any title that interests you. You'll find ten stories inside each volume in a wide variety of genres, just the right length to read in your coffee break, in the bath, in bed, on the beach or on the train ride to work. The only difficult choice is which volume to pick up first. (Tip:  You don't have to start at volume one!).

Barnaby's New Shorts

New volume of short stories published today under the title Barnaby's Shorts (volume 7).

Ten more coffee break sized stories in mixed genres. Stories that you can read in the bath, on the train, in bed, or during your morning coffee break. Humour, mystery, Sci-fi and even a little pathos, including a new tale from the Vertigo Research Labs.

Why did Tom's new curtains keep him awake at night? What happened when Emily planted her two remaining 'grow your own man' beans? Who is 'the Yarn Man'? How did Bill and Wayne resolve their impasse? Answers to these questions and more inside Barnaby's Shorts (volume 7).

This book is available as a FREE download for a short period here in a variety of e-book formats.

You can find out about Barnaby's other books, including Detective Fiction, Humorous Novels, Short Stories and Poems by visiting www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk

New books at Top Writer's Block

Two new collections of short stories by a worldwide group of writers, known collectively as Top Writer's Block, have recently been published as e-books in aid of the charity Sea Shepherd.



Pumpkins come in all shapes and sizes. You'll be surprised just what shape they take in this collection. Sci-fi, mystery, fantasy, comedy and even modern romance have their say in 'Pumpkins!'

Writers from around the world have contributed to this sometimes scary, sometimes amusing collection.

Available as an e-book in a variety of formats at Pumpkins 






Also available this month is The Winter Collection


This is a collection of winter tales to warm the heart. Some stretch the imagination while others are down-to-earth feel good tales. It is an excellent way to discover new writers and then to go on to their longer works.

Available as an e-book in various formats at The Winter Collection


For more information about Barnaby Wilde's stories, including Quirky Verse, Detective Fiction, Humorous Tales and Short Stories, visit www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk

Barnaby thinks about Xmas

Barnaby figures that a lot of people will be receiving gifts of e-book readers or tablets this Xmas and what could be nicer than stocking them up with a few good reads to keep them entertained through those cold dark winter evenings. Barnaby has e-books to offer in every price range.

For those on very tight budgets, the following titles (amongst others) are available for FREE download.
Flowers for Mercedes       Barnaby's Shorts (vol one)      I Keep Thinking It's Tuesday


The following are just $2.99 (~£1.83)

Free Running                            Flandra                            A Question of Alignment

There are also titles at just 99c (~61p)

A Little Bit Elephant               Barnaby's Shorts (vol 6)                     Life ... (plus ten)

This is just a small selection of Barnaby's e-books, which include quirky verse, humorous fiction, short stories and detective fiction. For the full selection, visit www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk

And for the special person in your life, many of these titles are also available in paperback editions. details at www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk

Happy shopping!



 

Barnaby thinks about coffee.

Barnaby enjoys a good cup of coffee, as do the characters in his books, especially D.C.I. Flowers in the Mercedes Drew Mysteries. Flowers is particularly partial to Costa Rican coffee and tends to drink his black. Barnaby is less fussy about the origin, though he does prefer the stronger flavours, and he usually takes his with some milk. Neither of them spoil the coffee taste by adding sugar.
Once, it was only possible in the UK to have a single type of coffee. It was whatever instant coffee the establishment served. The only choice was whether to have it with or without milk. Now, there is a bewildering array of choices, confusingly identified by Italian names.
A few years back, Barnaby wrote the following verse to acknowledge the change.

Arty Farty, Caffy Larty

The chip van in our layby has gone all arty farty.

Instead of selling mugs of tea, he now sells caffy larty.
It used to be quite simple, instant coffee or strong tea.
Either way you got a mug.  The price was forty pee.
But now if you just want to buy black coffee and a sarnie,
He’s asking is that expresso, or is it merry karnie?

I said, “Make it quite expresso, ‘cos I haven’t got much time”,

And I put a fifty pee down on the counter in the grime.
I waited while he made it and lit myself a smoke,
But when he put it down I thought he’d made another joke.
Instead of the enamelled mugs he’d used ‘til yesterday,
He’s put a dolly’s teacup down, filled only up half way.

“That’s two pound twenty, mate”, he said.  He didn’t even blink.

That’s one pound ten a gulp, I thought.  Too bloody dear to drink.
I said, “Your prices have gone up a bit.  Are you having a laugh?”
He said, “It’s elf and safety, mate.  You just can’t get the staff.
Sugar’s on the end there”.  Well, some things stay the same,
Still the one bent teaspoon then, left swinging on a chain.

I said, “I can’t afford to drink it, mate.  How about some tea?”

He said, “Make your bloody mind up, John.  It’s all the same to me.
D’you want
White tea?  Green Tea?  Black or Iced?
Fruit tea? Herbal?  Blended?  Spiced?
Earl Grey?  Jasmine?  Lapsang souchong?
Camomile?  Roibos?  Or Oolong?
How about a nice Assam?
Or, bit more spicy, Mangalam?
Chinese?  Indian?  Ceylon?
Or, why not try a Rose Pouchong?

I think he knew he’d lost me as I backed towards my car.

I said, “Keep the fifty pee, mate, and I left it on the bar.
He called out, “D’you need water?”, as I opened up the door.
“I’ve got thirty two varieties, ... or is it thirty four?”
I pulled into the traffic and rejoined the endless snake.
I guess I wasn’t thirsty.  Still, ... it was good to have the break.

 (July 2010)

 

If you liked this poem, Barnaby would love to hear from you. You can find more about his quirky verse at www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk  available in both e-book and print.

Barnaby thinks about topless sunbathing and bare knees.

Today, Barnaby walked along a pebbled Devon beach in glorious autumn sunshine with his partner and her dog. Although the beach was uncrowded, a few others were also taking advantage of the weather and the exercise.
Now, Barnaby has a theory that people like beaches not only for the bracing air, but because they allow behaviour that would be deemed antisocial, improper or childish in other places.
For example, on the beach one is allowed to play with mud (or sand) whether adult or child. It is also acceptable to throw stones, (towards the sea of course and only when safe to do so), douse other people with cold water and to remove one's clothes down to whatever is the locally acceptable minimum. In some places, to nothing at all. Curiously, folk who would die of embarrassment to be seen strolling around in their underpants, or bra and knickers, are totally unphased by doing pretty much the same thing on the beach.
Barnaby was reminded of a time he was at Lake Geneva at Evian les Bains. At this point the Route Nationale hugs the shore of the lake. At various points, however, there are narrow strips of shingly beach, which are heavily utilised by sunbathers and swimmers. There is a low wall, no more than eighteen inches high separating the busy road from the small beach. On the beach, topless sunbathing is quite acceptable, though the practitioners are clearly visible to pedestrians and vehicle drivers alike. It would be entirely unacceptable, however, to step over the dividing wall from the beach onto the street unless fully clothed. Barnaby is somewhat at a loss to understand how an eighteen inch wall can make this difference, or is it the presence or absence of water that is the determining factor?
None of which, of course, has anything to do with publishing e-books, though Barnaby is disconcerted to find that his volumes of short stories are still not being listed on the Kobo website. Could it be the bare knees on the covers that are the problem? Luckily, all Barnaby's books, in e-book or paperback format, can be found on Amazon, Smashwords, Barnes and Noble and many other bookstores. More information about the books and where they can be bought at www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk