Barnaby Wilde is a Liar

 Barnaby Wilde, of course, doesn't exist. Even his name is a joke. (If you haven't got the joke yet, think Steppenwolf and, if you still haven't got it, you'll have to Google).

The truth is that Barnaby Wilde is a liar. He makes things up. He confabulates. He tells stories for personal gain. You can't believe a thing he says.

The question is, why does he do it? The obvious answer, one might suppose, is that he'd like to be rich and famous, but even he doesn't believe that's going to happen. So, why?

Perhaps he just wants to be loved? Actually, that might not be too far from the truth. Certainly he's delighted when someone tells him that they've enjoyed reading something he's written. In fact, he gets far more pleasure from a piece of positive feedback, such as a book review, than he does from any commission he might make from selling it. In that case, you might ask why he doesn't give all his books away for free. Well, he has this strange belief that the only praise you can truly trust comes from the stranger who's laid out his own money. If someone takes the trouble to leave a positive review for something they've paid for, then it's probably genuine praise.

Maybe he's insecure? He needs to feel needed? Perhaps, though he has plenty of people around him who appear to find him useful. He certainly doesn't admit to feeling insecure.

Could it be that he just has an urge to be creative? Now, that surely has a ring of truth to it. He's certainly tried his hand at a few creative endeavours such as wood turning, pottery and painting in the past. Writing, though, has been there at some level or another ever since he was a kid. One of his earliest memories is of his father one-finger typing a story that Barnaby had written at his Primary School and turning it into a miniature book. (No idea what ever happened to it, sadly).

On the other hand, could it just be conceit? Maybe he just wants other people to see how clever he is? He swears it isn't, but it's an unconvincing denial.

Barnaby's own explanation is that he simply wants to entertain, amuse, and maybe, occasionally, mystify people. He loves the sound of words. He loves puns and rhymes. He says his head is full of stories and he thinks other folk might find them diverting.

But, as I said at the beginning, you can't believe a word he says. He makes things up.

You can find out more about Barnaby Wilde and his books at http://www.barnabywilde.uk follow him on bluesky @barnabywildeauthor.bsky.social or buy his books at Amazon (or your own favourite bookseller).

 

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/barnabywilde

Why not go Wilde this Xmas?

 

Everyone likes to receive cards at Xmas, but sending them is getting more expensive all the time and though they look nice for a few days when displayed, eventually most of them end up in the bin. e-cards cost  less to send, of course, but don't really lend themselves to being displayed and lack the personal touch, somehow. So, here is an alternative suggestion.

There are lots of e-Books for Kindle or other e-Book reader that are either FREE or cost only a few pence, including several of Barnaby's.
 Why not send an e-Book instead of a card? A lasting present for less than the cost of sending a Xmas card.

The e-Book won't necessarily be Xmas themed, of course, and they are no more displayable than an e-Card, but they will be longer lasting and potentially create many hours of enjoyment.

Here are some suggestions from Barnaby. 

The link will take you to Barnaby's books at Amazon, but they are also available at your own favourite e-Book retailer.

Amazon.co.uk: Barnaby Wilde Author

All of these titles are FREE or less than a pound in Kindle format. (They are, of course, also available in paperback format along with all Barnaby's other titles)

Happy Christmas everyone and 'good reading',

from Barnaby Wilde

Interview published in Vision and Verse. The blog of Carol Ann Kauffman

 

The following interview was published today in Vision and Verse, the blog of Carol Ann Kauffman

(link to original publication https://visionandverse.blogspot.com/2024/07/interview-multi-genre-british-author.html )

Wednesday, July 31, 2024

INTERVIEW: Multi-Genre British Author Barnaby Wilde AKA Tim Fisher

Tim Fisher

Although I publish under the name 

Barnaby Wilde

By the Sea in Devon, England

UK

 

Good morning, Tim, and welcome to Vision and Verse. I’ve read the Mercedes Drew Mysteries, Volumes One and Two. They was terrific! I loved them. Look for the reviews coming up onAugust 20 and September 3, 2024.  Can you tell us what else you’ve written? 

I am a fiction writer, with several novels and many collections of short stories and verse published as eBooks and paperbacks. My website is barnabywilde.uk All the books are available at Amazon/Apple/Barnes and Noble etc

 

What is your favorite genre to write? 

I have written in many genres, including sci-fi, cozy mystery, romance, humor, time travel etc but everything is written with humor and a sense of the absurd, including a series of books written as fairy tales for adults (sorry, no sex or violence, just laughs) full of princesses, dragons, court jesters and anachronisms.

 

Favorite food. 

I am an omnivore that enjoys all food.    

Tea or coffee? 

Tea for breakfast, coffee mid-morning and tea again in the afternoon.

 

Pizza or ice cream? 

Love both. Favorite pizza would be pepperoni and favorite ice cream, rum and raisin.

 

Wine or beer or soda or what? 

Not a big drinker, but I like a glass of wine or elderflower cordial with my meal and a beer when I’m out.

 

Where would you like to visit? 

South America, especially Iguassu falls, or Australia.

 

Favorite musical artist. 

Paul Simon, Tom Petty, Dire Straits

 

Do you listen to music when you write?  

I generally write in a silent room. Writing is essentially an antisocial activity that requires full attention without interruptions.

 

What makes you laugh? 

Absurd humor, Dad jokes.

 

Favorite work of art or sculpture. 

An impossible question to answer, it changes all the time. I can’t name a single favorite.

 

How old were you when you started writing? 

I wrote my first ‘story’ when I was about seven or eight years old. I have no recollection what it was about, but my father one finger typed it onto tiny pages which he stapled into a miniature book, sadly long since lost. I’ve written intermittently throughout my adult life, but only began publishing in my fifties. Initially, these were collections of verse (I hesitate to call it poetry), followed by a couple of novels and subsequently collections of short stories in various genres.

 

Do you plan out your book with outlines and notecards? Or just write? 

There is little planning. I have an idea and then the characters take over. Often, they take the story to places that surprise even me. I usually have an end in mind, but sometimes even this changes as the characters refuse to do what I tell them and take me to a different place.

 

Describe your perfect evening. 

I’m very much a ‘home’ person. I enjoy dinner with my wife, followed by an hour or two of TV, unless she drags me out to a music venue or a theatre.

 

Where do you get your inspiration? 

Often, just as I am about to go to sleep. The best stories are those that I write in my head in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, they are often forgotten by the morning. I am rarely awake enough to make a note. Inspiration, though, can come at any time or place.

What do you do when you get a writer's block? 

It doesn’t happen very often, but if I do get stuck, I usually make myself write the next paragraph and come back and back to it until I’ve edited it, changed it, or replaced it with something that lets me continue. It will stay in my head the whole time until I have sorted the way forward.

 

Who is your favorite author? 

Kurt Vonnegut. I like his sense of the absurd and his understanding of the folly of human nature.

Best book you ever read. 

Breakfast of Champions, because it was the first Vonnegut book I ever read.

 

Last book you read. 

Apple Tree Yard by Louise Doughty.

 

What would you do for a living if you weren’t a writer? 

I am retired and writing is a part time occupation. My career was working for an international photographic manufacturing company, but if I were to live my life again, I think I’d like to be an architect or a garden designer.

 

Who is the one person who has influenced your personal life the most and why? 

Another tricky question. If I am only allowed one person, the answer can only be my first wife and the mother of my two children. If I can sneak in a second, then it would have to be my present wife because she challenges my preconceptions and takes me to places I would otherwise not find.

 

If you could sit down and have a conversation with ONE person, living or dead, real or fictional, who would it be and why? 

I am going to surprise myself here and say my mother. I think I have only begun to understand and fully appreciate her recently, many years after her death and too late to tell her in person.

What advice would you give someone who aspired to be a writer? 

Just write.

 

Do you have some links for us to follow you? 

Amazon https://www.amazon.com/stores/Barnaby-Wilde/author/B0067XT7D0

 

Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/timgfisher (Barnaby doesn’t have his own Facebook page, maybe he should?)

 

Website  www.barnabywilde.uk  links to all bookstores and books on the website

 

Email  barnaby-wilde@hotmail.co.uk

 

Blog  barnabywildeauthor.blogspot.com

 

My style is very gentle. I want to entertain and amuse, not shock. I like word play and puns. I like to think that my stories or verses may sometimes surprise people, certainly make them smile and maybe even generate the occasional belly laugh.

 

The next book to be published will be volume two of Davey and the Holey Oak. Ten more short stories about an irascible old man always looking for the next big chance.

 

 

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Smashwords Summer Sale FREE/Discounted eBooks

 

The Smashwords Summer Sale is now running until the end of July. Thousands of eBooks at discounted prices or FREE. All of Barnaby Wilde's titles are in the sale with at least 50% discount. Many titles are FREE here https://tinyurl.com/BarnabyWildeatSmashwords

New Barnaby Wilde short story collection: Davey and the Holey Oak (volume 2)

Nobody would describe Davey as a kind, old gentleman. Some folk would call him cantankerous, others would say he was a bit dodgy, and some, less generous, would call him a miserable, tight fisted, old bastard. Davey thought of himself as an entreprenoor (his spelling).

Volume two of Davey and the Holey Oak stories contains ten more tall tales about an old man just trying to get by. Learn about the Unpredictable Nature of Wild Yeast, hear the tale of Bill and Wayne, find out what is a Strewn Field, and discover the pitfalls of planting Acorns.

Also includes a bonus prequel story to the novel Out of Time.

Now available as an eBook or Paperback. Visit www.barnabywilde.uk for more information.

eBook and paperback at Amazon here https://tinyurl.com/Davey-and-the-Holey-Oak

 

Psychiatrist has a silent P

Barnaby, like many before him, has been thinking about English spelling and how irregular and unnecessary much of is. On the understanding that big things start small, he is now considering whether to start the revolution by refusing to incorporate unnecessary letters or illogical spelling in any of his future riting.

Hensforth, Barnaby wil only aply the minimum efort to spel any of his wurds in the customry manor, eschuing convenshun, histry and tradishon. He estimates that this wil save him aproximately  wun per sent of the leters he normaly has to tipe, with a consekwent saving of wun per sent of the ink and paper used to print them, thus preserving many trees and conserving natural resorses in adishun to redusing the number of keystroks he wil need to make and conserving his own energy.

Of cors, this wil make his books wun per sent shorter, tho no kwiker to reed.

Fortunately, all of his current books were written before this revolution began, making life more straightforward for readers used to dealing with conventional English spelling. Any errors are therefore entirely unintentional and the fault of the author, except where they have been introduced intentionally.

Why not try ‘Out of Time’ a full-length novel about two men whose timelines get inextricably mixed. I can’t guarantee any misspellings, but you can enjoy searching. You can find it in paperback or eBook format at Amazon here https://tinyurl.com/BarnabyOutofTime

(Also available at Apple, Smashwords, Kobo etc)

 

Mr. Owl ate my metal worm

OK, the title drew you in, as it was supposed to do, but what is it all about?

Try reading it backwards. It's a palindrome. A palindrome is a word or phrase that reads the same backwards as forwards. Some word examples are rotor, civic, level, radar, rotator, deified. Well known phrases include 'A man, a plan, a canal Panama', supposedly written about the Panama canal, and 'Madam, I'm Adam' which was probably not written in the Garden of Eden. Perhaps the most well known example, that most folk will have heard of is implausibly attributed to Napoleon, alluding to his exile on the isle of Elba, 'Able was I ere I saw Elba'.

A few of the better examples of whole sentence palindromes include, 'Was it a car or a cat I saw?', 'Do geese see God?', and the title of this blog entry, 'Mr Owl ate my metal worm.' (Punctuation, spaces and capital letters are usually ignored).

There have been whole novels written as palindromes. Satire: Veritas by David Stephens, and Dr Awkward & Olson in Oslo by Lawrence Levine. How much sense they make in either direction is for the reader to decide.

Barnaby Wilde's novels are designed to be read in one direction only, from front to back and he would like to assure you that they make perfect sense to folk with an open mind and a surreal sense of humour. 

Why not try 'I Keep Thinking It's Tuesday'? You can download it as an eBook from Amazon

FREE at https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0067YXRSU

Rules are for breaking, or are they?

 Who'd have thought it? Apparently there is a rule, which has very few exceptions, about the order to be followed when listing multiple adjectives before a noun. We do it automatically, without realising that we're even doing it. It just sounds right. For example, my long red chinese silk jacket sounds fine, but my silk chinese red long jacket ... ? Well, you just never would.

Apparently, multiple adjectives are always ranked in this order: opinion, size, age, shape, colour, origin, material, purpose.

There is an exception to this rule, which is even more surprising. It's called the rule of ablaut reduplication. (Don't go. I promise this is more interesting than it sounds). This rule says that the vowels i, a, and o always follow this order, i then a then o. Don't believe me? Just think of a few examples; flip flop, i before o; shiplap, i before a; big bad dog, i before a before o, (which contradicts the rule about adjectival hierarchy because bad is an opinion and should come before big, which is a size).

Fortunately, Barnaby doesn't mind in which order you read his books, even the series which are numbered sequentially can be read in any order and still make perfect sense. You can find out about all of Barnaby's books at www.barnabywilde.uk  

Read an eBook week 2024

Read an eBook week is now officially running at Smashwords. Don’t miss the massive celebratory sale going on right now @Smashwords! There are deep discounts on thousands of books by hundreds of authors in every genre imaginable, but only until March 9. Check it out at

  https://smashwords.com/shelves/promos/ #ebookweek24 #Smashwords

All Barnaby Wilde eBooks are available FREE or discounted at

 https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/barnabywilde

What are you waiting for?

 New Website ..............

Barnaby has a new website at www.barnabywilde.uk  with links to all his currently published books and links to the most commonly used online booksellers.  Most of the books are available in eBook or paperback format, including his most recent series There Still be Dragons (volumes 1 to 3). A set of scarcely credible stories that mix mediaeval and modern ideas in comic, not to say, absurd fashion.

A kingdom, far, far away, across the seas and beyond the mountains, ruled by a very short king with a very tall daughter. These stories are not for the faint hearted. Only suitable for persons with a sense of humour that borders on madness.

Ten ludicrous stories in each volume.